can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
