Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
