wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
