I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
