just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
