these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
