Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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