help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
