fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
