i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So many bounce houses so little time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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