new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
