Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
