Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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