SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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