I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
