meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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