Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
