I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
