He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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