I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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