found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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