I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
do nipples grow back?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
