I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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