i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
