I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
