I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
