Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
