you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
