you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
