Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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