Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
