dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
