Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
