What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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