I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
