Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
