i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So vagazzling was a success
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
