I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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