Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
