Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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