I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
