D3 body, D1 cock
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
