it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
