My liver just broke up with me...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
