Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
