I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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