It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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