I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
