Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
