I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
