when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're a waste of cheezeits
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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